How Positive Reinforcement Encourages Good Behavior in Kids

When your child misbehaves, rewards might be the last thing on your mind. But positive reinforcement can be one of the most effective behavior modification techniques parents can use. Positive reinforcement can encourage prosocial behaviors in kids, like sharing or following directions. You can also use it to prevent less desirable behaviors, like hitting, spitting, and violating rules.

Positive reinforcement can also motivate your child to do their chores, get along with their siblings, or complete their homework assignments without arguing. Learn more about how to use positive reinforcement with your kids and get examples of positive reinforcement in action.

How Positive Reinforcement Works

Positive reinforcement is a type of positive discipline that aims to shape behavior by focusing on the positive while reframing missteps as opportunities for learning. The goal is to catch and reward the good behaviors you want to see from your child.

Essentially, providing a reward for doing well shapes behavior by motivating kids to keep doing well. This strategy works for adults, too. For example, most adults go to work so they can make a living. A paycheck is a positive consequence of going to work. That positive reinforcement motivates them to keep working.

It's important to reward the behavior you want to see more often, rather than simply focusing on your child's misbehavior. When kids get attention and other benefits from behaving how you want them to act, those behaviors are much more likely to become habitual.

Examples of Positive Reinforcement

Consistency, limit-setting, encouragement, and kindness are pillars of positive reinforcement. There are many ways to reinforce the behavior you want to encourage from your kids. Positive reinforcement doesn’t have to be complicated or expensive. You can positively reinforce a child’s behavior by:

• Clapping and cheering
• High-fiving
• Hugging or patting on the back
• Giving a thumbs-up
• Offering a special activity, like playing a game or reading a book together
• Offering praise directly to your child or within their earshot

You can also offer positive reinforcement by giving a child extra privileges or tangible rewards. For example, if your child patiently helps their sibling with their homework, you could offer more time for them to play video games.

There are many different types of reward systems you can use to aid positive reinforcement. Younger children often do well with sticker charts and older children often respond well to token economy systems, where they can earn "tokens" that can be exchanged for bigger rewards. When you offer your child a choice of what reward they would like to earn for consistently showing good behavior, they get a greater sense of agency and motivation.

Using Positive Reinforcement To Reward Effort

It's important to reward your child's efforts and improvement, rather than focusing only on perfect results. If you see them try, let them know you notice.

Let's say, for example, that you want your child to learn to put away their school things when they get home. If you see that they hang up their coat but forget to put their lunchbox on the counter, you can still praise the partial success. Similarly, if they start walking to the bathroom when you tell them it's time to brush their teeth but they get distracted on the way, you can praise their original intention and then redirect them.

Examples of Behaviors To Positively Reinforce

Use positive reinforcement to encourage any behaviors that you want your child to repeat. Examples of behaviors to reinforce include:

• Being a good friend
• Being a good sport
• Completing chores
• Complying with a request
• Compromising or being flexible
• Handling a disagreement or disappointment without a tantrum
• Helping you without complaint
• Playing nicely with a sibling
• Putting in a lot of effort on a difficult task
• Showing compassion
• Staying at the dinner table without fidgeting or getting up
• Talking about their feelings
• Using manners
• Waiting patiently
  

Linking Rewards To Behavior

If you offer rewards along with praise, connect them to the behavior you seek to reinforce. You want your child to see that exhibiting positive behavior makes good things happen.

Here are some examples of good behavior and a positive consequence that might go with it:

• If your child helps you prepare a meal, you can let them decide on a component of it, like the salad dressing or a dessert to serve.
• If your child is a good sport about losing a game, you can let them choose the next game.
• If your child shares their toy with their sibling, you can allow them to stay up a bit later to continue playing or give them a small new plaything the next day.

This connection between the reinforcement and the behavior will make the positive consequence more memorable and effective.

Importance of Consistent Positive Reinforcement

When your child is learning a new behavior or working on a specific skill, it's important to offer positive reinforcement consistently. After all, how often would you go to work if you only got paid occasionally? You might give up if your efforts don't seem worthwhile. 

The same can be said for your child. If you only catch them being good once in a while or you only give them positive reinforcement randomly, their behavior is unlikely to change. 

This doesn’t mean you need to reward your child every time they carry a dish to the sink. However, the more often their good behavior is noticed, the better—especially for younger kids.

This is where a reward system comes in handy. You can easily provide immediate reinforcement in the form of a sticker or token. Stickers and tokens can later be exchanged for bigger rewards, such as a new book or an ice cream cone.

Over time, you can space out your reinforcement. Once your child has mastered a skill, surprise reinforcement from time to time can be effective maintenance. Say, "Wow, I'm so impressed you've been getting ready for school on time lately. I think we'll go to the playground tonight to celebrate." 

Avoid Accidental Positive Reinforcement

Sometimes, parents accidentally reinforce negative behavior. One common way this happens is with attention. Attention can be very reinforcing, even if it’s negative attention like yelling. Ignoring can be one of the best ways to respond to obnoxious attention-seeking behavior. Another way parents unintentionally reinforce negative behavior is by giving in.

For example:

• A child who is purposely annoying their parent receives reinforcement for the annoying attention-seeking behavior every time their parent says, “stop that!” or “don’t do that.” (The child learns that they can get their parent's attention through annoying behavior.)
• A child begs and pleads to go outside after their parent already said no receives reinforcement for the whining when the parent gives in and lets them go outside (The child learned that whining helps them get what they want, encouraging them to whine again in the future.)
• A child who aggressively takes a toy from their sibling receives reinforcement for the behavior when the parent allows the behavior to go unchecked (The child learns that they can take things and get to keep them.)

Instead, make sure that negative behavior doesn't get reinforced. When your child misbehaves, follow through with a negative consequence, such as a loss of privileges or logical consequences.

While eliminating reinforcement of negative behaviors, be sure to focus on the good behaviors that you want to reinforce. Once you get the hang of noticing all the praise-worthy things your child is doing, you'll likely find that positive reinforcement works much better than punishments—and makes for a much happier household.